Will someone please look behind the curtain...

Fear...
I feel it weighing me down these days...
Dread...
of what could, will go wrong or happen...of where I will go wrong...
It all feels like too much. All of it. Life...the endless struggle in relationships...chores...kids...finances...responsibilities....heck, just getting out of bed.
And through it all--I sense that there are those who look to me to be a savior of sorts....and that scares me most of all.
Saviors are supposed to be perfect....capable...in control...
I feel none of those things right now.
Paralyzed.
this fear of failure makes it hard to just put one foot in front of the other.

Lord! What is the answer here?
Can they not see that the one behind the curtain is not "the Great and Powerful Oz"...just a fumbling human, feet of clay...trying to keep everything in balance and terrified of messing up?
Who hung this curtain, anyway? Was it me, Lord? Was there actually a time when I wanted them all to think I could satisfy all needs...be all-sufficient...grant them all they wanted?

Please help me to point them to "the Great and Powerful God" and admit that the dog and pony show I've been putting on isn't going to do the trick for them...or me...or anyone...
Please show me how to push back this curtain and show them all the truth and not be afraid of exposure.
Actually, Lord...please tear down the curtain and let me hide my fearful heart in You. I am ready to be exposed...

When I'm 94....

While at a graduation party (the 5th one this year!) recently, I had the chance to visit with a sweet 85 year old woman I remember from my childhood. It was a delightful visit in which I was amused to hear her still refer to her children by their ages (60, 53 and 45 :) )We had such a nice chat and reminisced about times and people from the past. Finally, I got up the courage to ask her about another older woman from the church in which I grew up....the courage was needed because I wasn't sure if this woman was still alive! She is, after all, 94 years old--and I was thrilled to hear that she is indeed alive!
I have a special reason to want to know if this particular lady is alive. You see, a few years ago, I visited with this now 94 year old at a wedding. At the time, I remember being tickled that she remembered me--I was pretty young when we attended church together. Yes, she said...she remembered me--in fact, she still had my picture on her fridge. Now, that was a surprise! She said she'd gotten my picture from my mom to remind her to pray for me. It seems she had pulled my name out of a hat when I was only eight years old and a group of her peers had decided they would commit to praying for the young girls in our church. "I have prayed for you every day since then," she informed me.
Wow. I simply couldn't wrap my brain around that kind of commitment.... at that point, she'd been praying for me every day for over 25 years! I told her I'd send her updated pictures of me and my family. She said she'd like that--it would add to her prayer list!
The woman at the graduation party shared how my 94 year old prayer warrior is doing. She's still mentally aware, but-- due to a stroke-- is unable to speak. Yet she still prays! I cannot fathom the tremendous blessing my life has experienced just through the prayers of this wonderful lady....I hope I can be counted as this faithful when I'm 94!